Yay, it's ADHD: reason #7

ADHDStrategies

Jun 27

Many people find getting the diagnosis is really helpful. In this blog series I‘m taking you through the seven most common responses I hear from my clients. Maybe one resonates with you particularly, maybe they all do. Here’s reason 7.

Oh, now my family makes sense!

There is some rather conclusive evidence that ADHD is genetic; it’s a biological, brain based condition (N.B. brains affected by trauma can respond a lot like ADHD, so getting an expert involved in making a diagnosis is crucial. But let’s just stay with ADHD here).

There are scores of studies that show that ADHD runs in families. This means there’s a chance that an adult with ADHD grew up with a parent with ADHD, maybe even two. And there’s an even bigger chance, if that’s the case, that those parents didn’t know that they were managing their own ADHD, because things have changed a lot in the last, say, 30 years.

A client told me about the ‘Garlic Bread Challenge’ , which became a thing in her family. When her mum made pasta, with garlic bread as a side dish, it was time for The Challenge. As dinner was served, the challenge was to remember to take the garlic bread out of the oven before it burned. Sometimes they ate garlic bread, to great cheers of everyone. Sometimes, not so much. :-). As my client found out she had ADHD, she recognised that her mum may well have some of the same struggles around planning, organisation and time management/time blindness.

If you remember a family life that was a little on the chaotic side, with – hopefully – a lot of fun and spontaneity, but perhaps also stress and difficulties with emotional regulation, well, your folks may have been managing ADHD themselves, without the tools and guidance we keep coming back to in this blog. They may have been awesome parents, and they may indeed have developed some useful strategies (possibly weird - see Reason 4) that could even be of use to you now.

My clients sometimes find that their families, or specific family members, make more sense when they look at them through an ADHD lens. From that perspective, it can be very eye-opening to see that these significant people from your life tried their best with the tools they had. (This, of course, is not always the case and I am fully respectful if this has not been your experience. Honestly, sometimes children just have had to deal with bad parents, ADHD or no.)

Also, quite a number of adults are prompted to get diagnosed because one of their children has received a diagnosis and it caused them to recognise things in themselves. If this is you and that’s how you came to your diagnosis, you should know that you can be an invaluable resource for your child! While they are, of course, a different person from you, you understand from the inside out what living with ADHD can be like. So maybe you can offer suggestions for strategies that might work for them, but most of all this will allow you to be a source of empathy for them.

Oh and I really want to acknowledge here that parenting with ADHD can be hard (whether you are the parent with ADHD, or a neurotypical parent with a child with ADHD, or both). And it is not something you need to do by yourself. If you want to talk about what might be helpful to you, or to your child, click here to book a free 30 min talk with me.

So now what?

Well, now you know you’re dealing with ADHD you can maybe use the strategies you grew up with more consciously, as well as start to figure out what else works for you. There are excellent resources out there – books, magazines, YouTube videos etc.

And if this feels like a lot to deal with by yourself, you don’t have to. ADHD coaching can give you a dedicated space and a bunch of support to figure out what’s next - for you specifically. Or for your family. Because there is no one-size-fits-all, or even fits-most. Together we can work out what managing ADHD looks like for you. I’ve got a lot of experience, but you know you best. We can put that together to make the best plan for you - and I’ll help you stay on track.

If this sounds good, contact me for a free 30 minute session to get started.