Why it sucks to find out you have ADHD: reason #1

If you have been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, chances are it’s because there are things you struggle with. The positive side is that the understanding that ADHD is a cause or at least a factor in these difficulties allows you to manage this more deliberately. However, many newly (and sometimes not-so-newly) diagnosed adults also experience a sense of grief and sadness. 

In these blogs I explore these feelings, because often understanding in and of itself is helpful. There are two blogs because there are two main reasons adults feel grief, anger and/or sadness about the diagnosis. One is about the past, and one about the future and most of my clients experience them at some point after being diagnosed. 

This post is about the past (and you can read the one about the future here):

Why not sooner?

This is the grief about lost time, about help that could have been given but wasn’t, and about potential that could have been realised if you had been supported sooner. 

This grief is about not having been seen. The feeling that no one in an authority or caretaker role in your earlier life took the time to read the school reports that said ‘Capable but doesn’t apply himself’ or ‘Could do much better if she didn’t daydream or doodle as much’ and notice that it was no lack of smarts, will or motivation, but that you needed help… And that if that help had been given, it may have prevented subsequent struggles in education, work or relationships, burn-out or just the sheer amount of stress and effort that trying to fit in a neurotypical mould required from you. 

If this is where you are right now, you will have your own examples of hurt that has been caused by untreated ADHD. And while these things likely weren’t done to you on purpose (they usually aren't), they still happened. And, of course, that may make you feel sad, angry, and all the other stuff.

And you are right, you definitely did deserve better. 

So now what?

First, do yourself the kindness of allowing some space for this pain, sadness, anger, or any of the other valid feelings you are having. You may also want to read my other post, Why it sucks to find out you have ADHD: reason #2. Be good to yourself, look after yourself and allow yourself the space and the grace to grieve. 

Whenever you’re ready, have a read of my series about the upsides of diagnosis. It’s actually quite fabulous to know what you are dealing with. You will find that you already have a bunch of strategies in place. You may not be able to go back in time, but you are in a much better place to make your life work how you want it to than before. 

And if you feel like you’re doing this by yourself, or trying to figure it all out by yourself, you don’t need to. Contact me for a free consultation.